Friday, March 29, 2013

B - Behavior

What I've noticed is most if American parenting focuses on behavior. The child is labeled 'good' if their behavior resembles the adult-like self control and mildness. The child is labeled 'bad' if their behavior is spirited, boisterous, distracting, and exuberant.

Most public reactive parenting I've seen is caused by an overtired, overstimulated, hungry, oversugared, and/or bored kid; coupled with an exasperated, hurried, tired, embarrassed parent.

Behavior based parenting seeks to control the child rather then guide the child and set the child up for success.

If you so choose you can control the behavior of the child, but then you loose the relationship, trust, and true respect. You may have the respect a prisoner extends to a prison guard, easier not to rock the boat then deal with the fall out but it teaches nothing to the child in the long run leaving he child to figure out the 'why' on their own during some of the most volatile time in their lives.

You can seek instead to have the role of friend, guide, and mentor. Giving the child every opportunity to succeed by giving him information and eliminating trouble making factors.

It is generally thought in the AP world that a child who feels bad acts bad. And a child who feels good and whose love tank is full is in general are more open to direction and learning social norms.

To help our children to succeed and learn best we need to model what we want from them, and alway apologize when we make mistakes.

We as parents should be reaching our children's hearts, teach through modeling and respect. Not trying to control behavior.