There is one little fact about humans. The only person you can truly control is yourself.
Unless you want to get into unhealthy metal states that humans can get in and be controlled, like slaves, addicts, or the broken.
No healthy parent wants that for a child.
So if the only person you can control is yourself, then how do we use this information to help with parenting?
We can stop the them (children) against us (parents) battles that so many say define parenting. If we are in control of ourselves and take upon ourselves the responsibility of our own reactions instead of giving that control to our children ("your really making me mad, stop what your doing so I can calm down, if you don't stop I will get more angry and it will all be your fault") then we can become the example out children need.
Children learn through watching the adults around them. If you argue and yell all the time with your spouse that is how your children will learn to relate to others.
If you are always out of control your kids will never learn self-control.
If you always use violence to teach, the only thing you will teach is to solve problems with violence and power over the weak and defenseless.
Gain self-control and you will have the strength to be the puller of security and the model of healthy adult you want for your children.
Scream-free parenting by Hal Edward Runkel
Easy to Love Difficult to Discipline by Becky A. Bailey.