Tuesday, April 16, 2013

N - Natural Consequence

Gentle parenting focuses on teaching our children through true natural consequence instead is arbitrary consequence.
Ex. Your daughter damages/destroys a friends borrowed book and they are likely to not be willing to let her borrow items again. You don't need to add an extra consequence. However, you might be just as unwilling to allow her to use your own stuff. When she later discovers that reluctance you can then help her understand the reasons and help her brainstorm ways to better take care of others property.

For a younger child this could look like: your toddler keeps standing in the tub. You tell him twice to sit and help him comply. when he persists you wash him an end play time abruptly and remove him.
He is developmentally unable to listen and obey every time because he has almost no impulse control because his brain isn't developed enough for it. So you gain nothing by inflicting arbitrary punitive punishments to gain compliance. Because a young child under 4 is incapable of consistently obeying as the logic center of their brains haven't developed enough to check their emotional center which is so much stronger at this age.

It is better to react kindly and with much patience, teaching so that when they develop self-control they possess the knowledge on where to use that control.

Instead teach them what is safe and what is dangerous through close watching and consistency, teach them what they are feeling and how to safely and respectfully express it. Expect a lot of repeating, a lot of mistakes, and a lot of opportunity to practice patience.

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